Some Kind Of Monster

Last Night I stayed up very late watching "Metallica: Some Kind Of Monster". I honestly have no interest in this band musically. I have never really been into Heavy Metal Hair bands. Though when this came out in theaters I was always interested in seeing it because the movie/documentary takes the viewer into the inner workings of everyday band life. I enjoyed this film so much I quickly watched it again with the commentary from the band, which gave additional (not much) insight into what the band was feeling.

Metallica, starting to make their first studio album in about 3 years. You see everything in this film from the very benign setting up a studio and dealing with the record label. To the extremely personal and private of confronting each others ego's, not having a permanent bass player, daily temptations of damaging vises and the immense pressure of writing an album to support their family and band.

It was certainly surprising how intimate and open the band was with each other when the therapist Phil Towle was in the room. (On a side note they paid $40,000 a month to be at their constant beck and call over an almost 3 year period.) With all the camera's in their face it was very impressive that they could allow themselves to be that vulnerable in front of them. The band had such a disconnect with each other that they weren't even sure how to communicate with one and another. At times they weren't even sure if they wanted to stay together. Before James Hetfield (Vocals and guitar) went into rehab Lars Ulrich (drummer) and him were arguing with each other about a song. Guitarist Hammet saw the fight coming on. In his soft Buddhist way he begged for them to save the energy and use it for the music to just get the song done. Not listening Ulrich kept laying into Hetfield. Hammet in obvious frustration clapped his hand on his forehead, even that didn't make Ulrich stop. Hetfield got up and walked out of the room, leaving everyone sitting in an uncomfortable silence. Using the force of his whole body he slammed the door so hard that it almost broke the door off its hinges.

Two previous band members Dave Mustaine and Jason Newsted, one was fired in the eighties and the other quit because of the pain he apparently was putting himself through, were apart of this film as well. Dave Mustaine who started rival band Megadeath, agreed to a therapy session with Lars Ulrich. Mustaine freely admitted to his feelings of failure and always feeling like #2 to Metallica's #1. Wishing that James Hetfield was in the room, who was at a rehab facility at the time this meeting took place, Mustaine expressed how he would have liked to unloaded his feelings on him as well. Posing the question to Ulrich, "Do you know what it's been like for me?" Left Ulrich scrambling to give him an answer but he wasn't even listening to the question until Mustaine repeated it 3 times, which ultimately left Ulrich speechless.

Their were several clips of Jason Newsted "whining" about the good choice he made leaving the band and how he is better off now. Watching the commentary you hear Hetfield having absolutely no patients for this man. Newsted makes a comment about not understanding having children in the profession they have, but not saying it out right. Hetfield blurts out, "Living!?!" It makes you realize how self important Newsted feels about himself. Ulrich and Hammet make the effort to go see Newsted with his new band, Echobrain. After the show he doesn't give them the same courtesy of sticking around long enough to even talk to them even though he knew they were there.



Ulrich can be self indulgent with his feelings and pity for himself. At times his personality is as grading as his horrific wardrobe and hairstyles. The Napster lawsuit was annoying, it was annoying to watch it when it was relevant and even more annoying to watch the edited version in the film. Ulrich aptly asks himself on the album, "did I make a difference anyway?" I think we all know the answer to that one. Hetfield who goes through some life changing events during this period, one can see that he has changed the most. Not wanting to fall into old patterns he is able to recognize what triggers old habits of shutting down emotionally. Being able to see him healthy, very affectionate with his children and expressing his emotions freely (IE...at the end of making the album he says he's really sad, not depressed and is able to express why that is.) gives a sense of "happily ever after". Hammet has long been sober and has battled with his demons many years ago. His zen like quality brings a stillness to the band that is very much needed though it would have been nice if he spoke up a little more.

The band works best together after a healthy amount of therapy, rehab, finally finding a bass player and fighting together against a scripted radio station promo that their label is making them do. I loved watching these tough heavy metal men get to the core of their issues and deal with them in a very grown up manner. Filming their first video in a California prison Hetfield talks to the inmates. The honesty expressed caused him to be very emotional. Before they played saying, "Everyone is born with the same size soul. It's the choices you make that makes the difference. It's an honor to play in your house." To ending with "If it wasn't for music in my life I could very easily be in here or dead." Taking pause he collects himself, says thank you and leaves the stage. From Hetfield pointedly talking about his own anger for Cliff Burton leaving him and the band, the original bass player who died in a bus accident in Sweden; to Ulrich not being able to express himself in front of his Gandalf looking father; and to Hammet having to explain why Hetfield called him from rehab and no one else associated with the band. These men are complicated and interesting beyond anything I ever saw from their angry, warped and jaded videos on MTV. At times it was uncomfortable to watch but that's what made me want to watch. It was real. My only wish is that other bands get a therapist, put it to film and let me watch it.

On another note last night every single dream I had I was dreaming about Jame Hetfield. In the dreams I was able to tall him that I don't like his music but I loved watching this film. There is something very attractive about him.

The holidays are exhausting and are over next week. I'm glad that I get to see my friend Gutis - Devorah - bc she lives in Israel and we only see each other once a year.

I can't believe this weather!!! It's so disgusting. I hate the humidity.

I will have a week in review about all the new shows. Though my stupid VCR didn't tape some of the shows which is sooooo frustrating!!!! So I will watch some shows at work. ARGH!!!!

that's all for now.